over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
