a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
