He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
