That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Mom said you looked used
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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