So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
