I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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