i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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