He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
