I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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