my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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