Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize