RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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