Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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