we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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