I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
