You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want to be your penis for a week.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
