Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
