I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
