Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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