It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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