I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
