i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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