Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
