i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
