I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize