she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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