so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
