Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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