So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
