I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
