its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
