i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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