i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
