Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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