btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
