We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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