we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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