Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Define "chronic" masturbator.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
