my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
