Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
