I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
