At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
