Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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