fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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