new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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