so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
