I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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