Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
