Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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