Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
