if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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