I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
