Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
