I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
