I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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