In the future we'll all be gay
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
