What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
