I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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