He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
