it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
