My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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