i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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