The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
