Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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