I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
