i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
