you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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