I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
