he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
