Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
