As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
