Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
