Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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