Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize