Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
