9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
