So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
