Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
