I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
