He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
