end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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