so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
